07.10 (lemon meringue and roses)

“Well
the night I was born,
Lord,
I swear the moon
turned a fire red.”

No matter how today goes, it will undoubtedly be one of the most memorable birthdays of my life.  Even though it feels like half of me is missing, I am still in love.  I can feel it; I can touch it.  It breathes within me.   Even though it feels like my stars are scattered across the soil instead of hanging brightly in the sky, they are undoubtedly where they are supposed to be.  I went looking for you again last evening during a storm.  The sun was setting too, and the sky looked like sherbet and the clouds were lemon meringue pie.  I lay upside down in my rose garden in the damp grass and I swam to you with the sky at my feet, but the closer I got to you, the further you disappeared.  I wanted to feel you; to touch you.  I wanted to breathe you in again and fill myself with you all the while you filling yourself with me too.   I wanted so badly to feel that wind.  It is a secret wanting, like a song I can’t stop humming, or loving someone I can never have.  My breathing grew heavier and my eyelids fluttered as the evening turned to night and damp earth filled my senses.  The fireflies gathered together and danced in a lullaby as I remembered.  I wanted to tell them how I felt with my eyes.  I wanted them to cry with me and wrap me in their wings to sleep, glowing like perfect stars.  I wanted to tell them how I missed you, how I still dream about you, how I long to feel that wind.  They told me within their silence that you learn to live with what you lose, and that’s what is meant to be.  They told me that they know my heart has been broken, but I have also been so blessed.  They told me to remember the sad things like an old friend but do not dwell upon them, because the sad things are not as everlasting as we believe them to be.  And they told me to dance with them, and to always dance.  
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