Happy Thanksgiving.

Remember.  

Five years ago today, I attempted to take my own life as the result of a seven-year substance addiction that manifested into something more powerful than I…  So much so, that the person that I had become was a mere shadow of the person whom I was before.  And I cannot possibly emphasize that fact enough. 

As a result of my attempted drug overdose, I had suffered cardiac arrest.  I was resuscitated and placed on a ventilator to sustain my breathing.  I was comatose for three days.  The doctors were unsure if I would make it.  If I did make it, they told my family, I would never be “normal” again. 

To everyone’s surprise, I opened my eyes on day three.  Although I was unable to communicate, those around me were hopeful.  During the two-month stint in which I was hospitalized, after relearning basic motor functions, I was ordered to reside in an in-patient treatment facility geared towards addicts that were deemed “beyond reasonable accommodation.” 

It is a miracle that I am here.  It is a miracle that I am able to function normally.  It is a miracle that I remain narcotics-free.  It was fucking tough.  The most difficult thing I’ve ever done; and yet, five years later, here I stand with no medical explanation for my recovery.  A miracle in itself. 

Today I am grateful.  I am grateful for all of the things that weren’t completely mine prior to my addiction… I am grateful that I have overcome the effects of a troubled childhood enough to be able to emotionally withstand daily life.  I am grateful to have a place to call home.  I am grateful that I am no longer in an abusive relationship of any scope.  I am grateful that I am not in jail nor am I institutionalized.  I am grateful to be enrolled in college, working towards a greater good.  I am grateful for my good grades.  I am grateful for the gifts of my talent, ability, and insight for the purpose of “paying it forward” with benevolence like those who assisted me during my struggles.  This is the reason I am here; I wish to dedicate the rest of my life to aid others in pain, whatever their pain may be. 

I am grateful to know exactly who I am and what I am here for.  I feel fulfilled in every sense of the word.  What’s more, I have bigger plans for myself than even I am able to comprehend. 

Most of all, I am grateful for those of you who have loved me, prayed for me, and stuck by me the entire way.  It was a long haul but I made it out alive.  To my family and dear friends, thank you for you.

(via insomniadiary)